Category

Parenting

One Small Step for Him, One Giant Leap for Mom & Dad

Posted by — 8 Comments

Its pretty late at night, and I just got finished packing my first school lunch as a parent.

I know this is only the first of thousands that will be packed by me or my kids over the next several years.

Sandwiches and snacks, juice boxes and pretzels, carrot sticks and grapes all packed up in  lunch pails and boxes, coolers and brown bags.

 

This is the start of the school years and kind of the beginning of the end of the baby years. While I am so excited for these years and know that my kids will love this time, it is still change.

My kids haven’t been babies for awhile, (I am practically done with diapers), but there is something about packing up a real lunch for a full day of school that says BIG KID.

 

As I was packing, I got a big blob of jelly on my shirt and I laughed/ugly cried. I didn’t cry because of the jelly. I certainly know this won’t be the last blob of jelly I get on my shirt. I cried because I am feeling such a mix of emotions.

I am happy and sentimental. Excited and nostalgic.

With his one small step on that school bus, Brian and I are taking a leap into the realm of BIG KID.

Why did I laugh? Because let’s be real, this will probably be the last time I have my act together enough to make his lunch the night before.

HAPPY NEW SCHOOL YEAR!!!

If you like this post and would like to read more about DIY, gardening, cooking, baking or all other things domestic, become a Home Everyday follower! For blog updates or to see other places I write follow Home Everyday on Facebook here.

Follow on Bloglovin

Just a Reminder: It’s Better to Give Than to Receive

Posted by — No Comments

With the week that we have all had, I thought it might be nice to remember there is good in this world. Sometimes, we just need a reminder.

A few months ago, Russell turned 5. As part of his birthday celebration, he asked to collect glasses for those that cannot get glasses themselves. You can read more about Russell’s birthday and collecting glasses here.

Over the past few months we have been collecting glasses from everyone we know. We got the word out to our parish in the city, and even the kids’ babysitter asked her sorority sisters to help out. Meema was able to gather quite a few pairs from her friends.

Well, over the course of 4 months, Russell (with the help of our wonderful family and friends) was able to collect hundreds of pairs of glasses (if I could guess it would be in the 200 to 300 pair range). Every time we wanted to send them on there way, people would give us more and more glasses. It was amazing to us how many people wanted to help. It was also so wonderful to see Russell get so excited to put the glasses in the box every time he received a pair.

A few weeks ago, we thought it would be a good time to box them all up and get them ready to send to New Eyes for the Needy.

The kids were so happy to help.

 

 

The kids very carefully put them in some boxes with bubble wrap.

 

These two HUGE boxes are ready to go, and give so many people the opportunity to see.

I’m so proud of my children I cannot even explain. I am always proud of them and their accomplishments in school, sports, and as they achieve developmental and personal milestones, but I have to say to see my kids willingly and excitedly showing compassion and wanting to help people has been the most rewarding accomplishment of all.

Sometimes we just need a reminder of all the good there is in this world.

 

Baby Tips: Homemade Babyfood

Posted by — 1 Comment

When my kids were babies, I made home made baby food. I’m sure there are moms out there that want to roll their eyes, but honestly, it wasn’t that difficult.

There were a few reasons that prompted the whole thing, such as I like to save money, I like to cook, I like to know what my kids are eating, and we were already starting to see some food allergies developing in the kids.

While I do realize this is not the choice for everyone, I was happy that I did it, and I feel like my kids got to try some variety of food that they would not have otherwise gotten to taste until they were much older.

 

Here are some tips I learned along the way:

– Baby feeding is typically a hot topic, and pediatricians are sometimes changing their minds on when to start feeding purees and also, what types of with which to start. Also, every child is different, so please talk to your pediatrician before starting any type of pureed food.

– There are baby food cook books and awesome resources. Some books I read were: Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel and Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron.

– The best online resource I have found for homemade baby food and recipes is Wholesome Baby Food. It is like a one stop shop for all you need to know.

– The supplies I had on hand in addition to a regularly stocked kitchen were a food processor, a fine strainer, and ice cube trays with covers.

 

– When I cooked, I would make huge amounts, freeze it, and then store the cubes in freezer bags. I would only actually have to cook about once a month.

– Make sure you know all the rules regarding safe handling instructions for food. You can get a lot of information regarding food prep and storage from Wholesome Baby Food or Super Baby Food.

– There are several ways to cook baby foods, but certain methods help food retain their nutrients better. For example baking, steaming or boiling all have different advantages.

 

– The only thing I did not make myself were the cereals. I thought they would be too difficult to make, as well as there are several healthy and inexpensive brands. I bought the Earth’s Best brand.

If this is something you decide to do, I hope these tips are helpful. Happy Cooking!

P.S. Take a walk down memory lane with me today over at South of I-80. I’m talking my two favorite pizza places.

If You Say So: Rocket Ship Construction

Posted by — 2 Comments

My kids are learning about outer space in school. Planets, rockets, stars, moon, etc. You can only imagine the questions. I have been a little scared to mention the whole NASA space exploration thing to them. I know they would be heartbroken, but by the time they are of age, maybe they can go to space.

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagramyou saw that my kids created something.

 

A few weeks ago, the teachers asked us to save boxes of all shapes and sizes for in class projects regarding space. They also asked for paper towel and toilet paper tubes. I guess I went a little overboard. When my husband dropped them off, they said they didn’t need this many boxes. So, we brought some of them back home. I was going to throw them in the recycle bin, but the kids squealed, “Let’s make a rocket!”

So we did.

I gave them all the boxes we had, aluminum foil, duct tape, stickers, popsicle sticks, and this is what happened.

 

 

 

Caroline lost interest in the rockets, and decided to color instead.

 

They boys say they are very advanced rockets. I said, “If you say so.” Here are the final products again.

 

I’m still not convinced that these could make it to space, but the kids are happy.

Sweet Dreams: Baby Sleep

Posted by — No Comments

I recently got an email asking me questions about baby sleep, and I thought it would make a good post for any readers that have young ones. Again, I am in no way a sleep expert, but this is what worked for us.

 

When our oldest was born, we thought we had it covered. After 24 hours of being at home with our newborn, we realized we really did not have a clue about anything. I mean a person can dream about what parenthood is going to be like, she can read about it, and do all the babysitting of her friends kids she wants, but it is wildly different than anything you could imagine. Both the good and the bad.

With the help of my sister, sister-in-law, pediatrician, mom friends, a few books, and some good old fashioned motherly instinct, we were able to have kids that slept in their own beds through the night (and still do).

 

First let’s talk books:

On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam – This book is pretty hardcore with sleep training. It basically sticks to a pretty strict “cry it out” mentality. While we did like the idea of a self soothing, child the main thing we learned from this book was the beauty of routine. We learned that the order of events in the life of a baby is pretty important, and it helps to establish comfort for a baby. Routine (not schedule) with eating, bathing, play time etc, can really help establish a sleep routine as well.

The Sleep Lady’s Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West – This woman is the sleep whisperer. She uses gentle very effective methods for getting a baby to sleep at night. Her approach also keeps in mind that babies go through growth spurts, developmental changes, and other things that will affect a baby’s sleep and offers coping with these scenarios. It is worth the read and also gives some perspective to how much a baby is going through developmentally. It also explains baby’s sleep needs and the importance of napping routines to help with night time sleep.
The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp – This book (or DVD) and the methods proposed were extremely helpful. The key thing that we took away from this book was white noise. All three of our kids loved it, and Caroline still loves her white noise CD. For whatever reason, this totally worked for our kids. The day we don’t have white noise in our house, I am wondering if I will be able to sleep without it. (After 5 years of having it, my guess is not). 

 

Daily Routine (times were never set in stone… ever).
7:30 a.m. – Baby wakes, change diaper, nurse or bottle feed
8:00 a.m. – Get dressed, eat purees (if you have started that)
8:45 a.m. – Play time, stories
9:30 a.m. – A little bit of nurse or bottle. Morning Nap
11:30 a.m. – Wake up, change diaper, play time
12:15 p.m. – Eat purees, clean up
12:45 p.m. – Stories, nurse or bottle, afternoon nap
3:00  p.m. – Wake up, change diaper, nurse or bottle snack
3:30 p.m. – Play time, stories, walk or play outside
5:00 p.m. – Dinner purees (again if you are there), clean up, play with Dad
6:30 p.m. – Begin baths, jammies, dim lights, stories, nurse or bottle
7:30 p.m. – Bed

Tips:
– Swaddle! Swaddle! Swaddle! If your baby is less than 12 weeks old or cannot roll over on their own yet. Make the investment and get a Miracle Blanket. Young babies love it!
– Last Feeding: As you can see from the above routine, I pretty much would nurse or give my kids a bottle before nap/bed as part of the routine. When they stopped nursing or bottle feeding they would get a small sippy of milk. Here’s the deal, some people are really against nursing or bottle feeding before bed, but it really worked for us, and helps calm everyone down. We would try and coincide this time with a story as part of the bedtime routine. Also, babies love the close contact or snuggle time. If you’re at your wits end, give it a whirl, and see how it goes. If your child is done with bottle and nursing try a sippy cup of water while reading a story or snuggling.
– Darkness: When it was time for naps/bed, the shades would get closed, The darkness really helps as it helps release melatonin for easy sleep.
– Lovies: All three of my kids have lovies which we introduced around the age of 4-6 months old. Kids will start attaching to something around this age as part of their development. It helps them to sooth themselves and gives comfort. When they were really little I would make sure we had it for stories and snuggle time. I know this sounds weird, but kids are associate smell with comfort too. So, if you want to carry their lovie with you for a little while, the lovie will smell like mom’s shampoo, perfume, or dad’s after shave and kind of be a comfort to the baby.
– Soothies: My kids were all different. Russell didn’t like to suck anything, George had a paci til about 18 mos old (just for sleeping and he gave it up on his own) and Coco sucks her thumb. There are a lot of people who are against this type of soothing, but my theory is: if it makes them happy and they sleep through the night then it cannot be too bad of a thing. Also, no one will go to college (or Kindegarten for that matter) sucking their thumb.
– Getting Up: If we had a crabby baby in the middle of the night, we tried not to establish a “let’s get up at 2 a.m. every night for a snack” routine. Try everything you can just to make sure you’ve explored all your options: changed diaper, checked for fever, give some snuggles, read another story, make sure he/she isn’t too hot or too cold. However, if you have tried everything, kids go through growth spurts, and he/she really may be hungry, and you may have to nurse or give a small bottle or sippy cup of water.

Good Luck and Hopefully Sweet Dreams!

Finding My Stride: Establishing Routines

Posted by — 4 Comments

Today is the second week in the Mom of 6 Organize My Life Boot Camp. This week’s topic is establishing routines.

I am a creature of habit. I love routine. Repetition. Predictability. Don’t get me wrong, I love the spontaneous outing or change up to the every day norm, but I feel that change ups come much easier when there is some sort of normalcy.

You know I’m a dork already so I have no fear sharing this with you, but even when I was unemployed after college, I made up routines for myself to keep my sanity. Wake up, eat breakfast, go for a run, job search and set up interviews, eat lunch, more job searching, nap, even more job searching, dinner, IM friends, watch nightly sitcoms, Golden Girls reruns, read, bed. I felt that even in a time of no schedule and really nowhere to be, I had something to do.

Now that I am a Mom of three all born in a span of 33 months, I have figured out how to establish routine that works for our family. That my kids find helpful. That Brian helped to establish. That even allows me to still enjoy my sitcoms.

I just want everyone to know that in our house the schedule is loose. The time frame is not set in stone, however, the routine does not waiver. Schedules are good, they are helpful, but sometimes they are unrealistic and constrictive to follow. I feel that it is unrealistic for anyone to believe that they can get any kid to bed at 8:00 p.m. on the dot every single night. I think it is unrealistic to assume that you won’t get caught in a traffic jam, soccer practice will run late, or the check out at the supermarket will be packed. I mean, you might even burn dinner while on the phone, supervising kids and Play-Doh and folding laundry and might have to find a plan B for dinner before the husband gets home (true story). Time is sometimes unreliable. The routine, however, helps to give everyone some comfort.

For example, my kids don’t go to bed at the EXACT same time every night, but we do the same thing before bed every night, and end up in bed between 7:45 and 8:30 p.m. consistently.

All the routines in our house are this way. It started when they were babies. Nurse, play, change diaper, sleep. Nurse, play, change diaper, sleep. Then, as they would grow things would evolve. Naps got further apart. Play time got longer. Nursing turned into table food.

Right now, we have a few standard routines that keep us on task, and allow us to have flexibility when we need/want it.

So here is a little day in the life…

Morning
Alarm Goes off at 4:30, I hit snooze button and debate about working out and try to make a decision before next alarm goes off at 4:40. If I decide to work out, I hit the gym and shower and am back in time to take a power nap. Then 6:30 alarm goes off, and Brian gets up, showers, and starts getting ready for work. Kids hear Brian and proceed to wake me up. I get them something to drink, and flip on a show for them while I get breakfast ready. Kids and I eat, then head upstairs, get dressed, brush teeth, get shoes, glasses, socks, coats. Everyone heads out the door. Brian to work. Boys to school. Caroline and I to Mom and Me activities.

 

Afternoon
Coco and I pick up the boys, and since it is kind of a long commute, I try to pack a snack and something to drink for the way home. When we walk in the door, everyone removes shoes, empty and hang up back packs, and wash hands. I make lunch sometimes with a little help from the kids. We all eat together and talk about school. While they have a little down time, I go through school papers and mail and sort it out and look to see if there is homework that needs to be done after naps. Between 1:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m. everyone (sometimes Mom too) takes a nap. My oldest really only needs a nap about 3 or 4 days a week, but he does have at least an hour of quiet time which includes looking at books while resting. This is my time that I do laundry, do some cleaning, catch up on a project, or blog. When everyone wakes up from naps between 3:00 and 4:00 p.m., I usually have a little snuggle time with everyone (while I still can) then, we grab a snack. Then it is homework time, (if there is any), play outside time, or park district activity time. Then dinner prep begins.

 

Evening
Kids will play independently, watch a show, or help me make dinner. Brian is usually walking in the door at this time, and changes clothes and will do a few things around the house like switch up laundry. Dinner is on the table between 5:30 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. Brian and I will sometimes clean up the kitchen together and do baths together or we will divide and conquer. Then it is finish up playing, pick up some toys, and pack backpacks. Next, we pick out clothes for the next day (sometimes this is when I pack my gym bag). Then, it is baths, jammies, brush teeth, find lovies, story time, prayers, kisses, and bed. Brian and I then collapse on the couch, do some work, blog, and watch sitcoms and try to be in bed no later than 11:00 p.m.

 

Then we start again.

Some notes:
– Times are not set in stone. These aren’t schedules, these are routines.
– My kids are amazing when we travel or do anything a little different, because they always have the comfort of the routine. No matter where we are we always have something to drink when we wake up. No matter where we are, we always wash hands before lunch. No matter where we are, we always have lovies and storytime before bed.
– Routines evolve as the kids grow.
– When someone is “not having” the routine, I let the kids make some decisions. Such as what kind of fruit we will have with breakfast. I will let someone pick what story we are reading at bedtime. Sometimes I will give special jobs like prayer leader, table clearer, or have them put toothpaste on everyones’ toothbrushes. Then, I give lots of praise. I have found my kids are much more cooperative when they feel they are part of the decision making and helping.
– Sometimes, we don’t follow everything perfect. We make mistakes. Sometimes, Brian and I leave the kitchen mess to play tag in the backyard instead. Sometimes, we skip baths to play Hi-Ho Cheerio. Sometimes, we put on Dolphin Tale and eat finger foods in front of the TV. Sometimes, everyone needs a break from the day to day, but I know that even though we have skipped a step or switched it up, the overall important parts of the routine have stayed the same.
– This is what works for US. I’m not saying that OUR routines will work for everyone, but I do advise having some sort of routine.

 

Teachable Moments

Posted by — 7 Comments

A few weeks back, I was at the super market with all three kids. Which as many with kids know can be a hellish interesting experience. While zipping through the store, with my half written list, one child eating Goldfish crackers and the other two letting go of the cart to give me their “sales pitch” on on various unhealthy foods that we must purchase for the mere fact that Lightening McQueen is on the box, I make my way to the frozen foods.

I stop.

There is a woman standing right in front of the frozen waffles. I excuse myself to grab a box, and she says, “Can you help me? My hands are so sore.” I nod my head, and get a box of waffles for her. I notice her hands are resting backside up on the handle of her grocery cart, too weak to grip. I then say, “Miss (I’m not a fan of calling someone Ma’am, as I was near tears when a teenager did it to me once) is everything ok?”

She begins to cry, telling me that she just finished her last round of chemo that morning. That she has a cab waiting outside. That she hopes the cancer is gone. That her grandkids are coming for the weekend and she needs food in the house. That her daughter was supposed to help her at the store today and couldn’t make it. That she thought she could do it herself. That she thinks she is going to just go home.

I reply, “No, we will help you.” The kids by now are listening. Russell and George IMMEDIATELY get to work, when I say the word help. Russell asks the woman, “What else are you going to buy? I will get it.” George says, “Can I push your cart, please?”

We follow the woman around getting our groceries and her groceries, putting anything in her cart that she needs. The boys talking to her, asking her such important questions as “Do you like the Chicago Bears?” and “What’s your favorite color?”

We get to the checkout. The woman thanks us, and tells us that the cab driver can help her from here.

The kids and I checkout. We get to the car. Load everything in. Put everyone in carseats. Buckle up.

I stop.

Russell says, “Mommy, that woman was a stranger.”

“Yes, Russell, she was, but Mommy is here to keep you safe.”

“I don’t like seeing people that are sad. Why was she sad?”

“Because she is sick.”

“I don’t like being sick. I’m glad we helped her.”

George chimes in, “Being sad is not fun.”

I reply, “No, George, being sad is no fun. Thank you for helping.”

That night as I had just told all three munchkins to put their clothes in the hamper for the millionth time.

I stop. I smile. I tear up.

It dawns on me. Even though these kids can drive me insane, they are starting to catch on to the important things in life. Brian and I have done something right. Today my kids helped someone in need. They understand kindness.

As a mother of young kids, it is hard to see the payoff from your labors. Months of, “Say please and thank you.” Hours of setting the timer so they can see the concept of “turn for turn”. Years of trying to lead by example. I finally am getting to see that my kids understand. Even though they are so young, they are starting to understand.

 

Now, excuse me while I go break up a three way screaming match over Secretariat our rocking horse (hey, no one is perfect all the time).

Linking up at Mom of 6 Share Your Life.

Nature Walk

Posted by — No Comments

The past week, the weather here has been so perfectly autumn. Cool, breezy, and sunny.

Last week, the kids and I packed up a picnic and went on a long walk on the trail near our house.
The best part of this trip was just spending some time together outdoors and not having any time restraints. We could just do our own thing.

Baby Tips: Cloth Diapering

Posted by — No Comments

Since I was one of the first people out of my group of gal pals to have babies, a lot of them ask me for advice regarding all things baby. A few weeks ago, I posted my list of baby must haves, and a lot of my soon to be and new mommy friends thought it was helpful, so here I am again to share a little knowledge. Recently, a friend wrote me and wanted to know about Cloth Diapering. I have cloth diapered three kids, and remember a time when I was cloth diapering three at the same time (my kids are pretty close in age), I thought I would fill her in, and anyone else that needs some advice in this department.

Ok, I admit, I had to be sold on cloth diapering. I try to be green whenever possible, but this seemed… well frankly gross, but after a little coaxing from my friend, Colleen, doing some research, and Brian sharing with me how much money we would save cloth diapering, I jumped with both feet and actually liked it a lot.

Here’s my step by step guide to Cloth Diapering. Don’t let this intimidate you, I am just over sharing. As usual.

 

1.) Do some research and choose a brand and kind. The brand we chose is called BumGenius. BumGenius has a few different kinds of cloth diapers, but we chose the One Size 3.0 and later the One Size 4.0. One size diapers, are just that, ONE SIZE. This is nice as you can use the same diapers for the entire time your child is in diapers without having to spend more money every time your kid grows. The diapers have snaps to adjust the size. Also, these diapers come with an option of velcro closures or button closures. In the beginning, we used the velcro closures with the boys, but as time went on and we had washed them a few hundred times, the velcro closures lost their stickiness. The BumGenius website has all kinds of tips on how to regain velcro stickiness, but to be honest I had two kids in diapers, was pregnant with a third, and didn’t really have time to worry about velcro stickiness, so when my daughter came along, we bought the button closures for her and they worked out wonderfully. She is two and the snaps are still working great. I strongly recommend using One Size diapers if you can as they are the most cost effective option.

 

2.) Buy all the accessories. Ok, I know when you have a baby, there are countless expenses, and the last thing you want to do is drop about $300 or more on cloth diapers and THEN purchase everything that comes along with cloth diapering, but honestly, you WILL save money in the long run. Here are some things you will need: wet bags, diaper pail, pail liners, BacOut, detergent, and a diaper sprayer. What are all these things, you ask. Here is the breakdown: Wet Bags – they are zippered waterproof bags to keep in your diaper bag. They are where you put your dirty diapers when you are away from home. Several places sell them, and you can even get them on Etsy. Diaper Pail – There are specially made diaper pails for cloth diapers, but honestly I just use a Rubbermaid tall trash can with a lid. Pail Liners – these are reusable bags to put in your diaper pail. It was always nice to dump the diapers in the washing machine and then throw the pail liner right in with the diapers (this can be done with the wet bags as well). BacOut – This is a specially made all natural stain remover and the only one that is safe to use on cloth diapers. Detergent – depending on the type of cloth diaper you buy, you will have to purchase the detergent that is safe for that particular diaper. BumGenius makes their own detergent so that helped narrow down what we should use. Diaper Sprayer – this is a little contraption that you attach to your toilet tank to spray any waste into the toilet.

 

3.) Come up with a system. I will be the first to admit that using cloth diapers seemed really scary to me at first, but I honestly it isn’t that hard. Here is what we did for a streamlined cloth diapering system in our house. We had about 20 diapers on hand, and because of my crazy personality, I have 16 white and 4 in a color (I will explain why). When I wash and dry the diapers, I always put them together right out of the dryer, just like I do when I fold clothes. Putting diapers together means adjusting the size of the diaper cover and the insert and putting the insert in the diaper. Also, the color diapers always would receive an extra liner and I would designate those to be “overnight” diapers. After changing the baby, I empty any mess into the toilet using the diaper sprayer, spray any stains with BacOut, remove the liner and throw everything into the diaper lined diaper pail. When, it comes time to wash (which you should do every other day or every two days) I dump the whole pail liner into the wash and just throw the pail liner in the wash too.

 

Some things worth mentioning
– If you decide to use cloth diapers, it is probably best to use reusable wipes too. This helps cut down on waste, and you can just throw everything into one pail.
– Some great places to buy cloth diapers and accessories are Cotton Babies, Diaper Daisy, or Buy Buy Baby.
– Cloth diapers help save money, are good for the environment, help prevent diaper rash, and help with potty training. For more information on the benefits of cloth diapering click here.
– If your child needs to use diaper rash cream, you might want to switch to disposable as creams can harm the absorbency of the diapers. Also, you can put a small piece of fabric between baby and diaper at this time too.
– Some brands or cloth diaper stores offer trial packages where you can try out cloth diapers to see if it is for you.

I hope this helps to answer any questions or concerns regarding cloth diapers.

 

Eating Bon Bons: Being a Stay at Home Mom

Posted by — 4 Comments

 

I don’t normally write posts like this. I pretty much like to keep it lighthearted here, but I just kind of felt that with school starting, us parents needed a little encouragement. Just to give you some background: I had my first child in 2007 and worked outside the home until my second child was born in 2009. Then in 2010 I had my third child. I have seen both sides of the coin.
Last week, I checked my email, and there was a note from my husband with a link to a blog post about a woman, who when asked what she did for a living, she felt kind of ashamed to say she was a Stay at Home Mom. She wasn’t ashamed of staying home with her kids every day, she was more embarrassed of what other people would think. Like being a stay at home parent wasn’t enough.
This was my response:
“Do I feel inferior to hardworking professionals? Yes, occasionally, but not because I’m not hardworking. It is an exterior pressure that I sometimes feel. If I got paid for what I do at home, I think that there would be less sense of inferiority. I also think this is mostly a phenomenon in the U.S. I’m pretty sure that being a stay at home parent is the hardest work I’ve ever done, and will ever do. The total sacrifice of self is what makes it so hard. In my professional life, I could leave my desk at any time to use the rest room, I could listen to whatever I wanted on the radio, I had ½ hour commute to myself in the car, I could eat whatever I wanted for lunch, I could talk to adults, I could put on make up, and shower on my own schedule. These simple tasks to me almost seem lavish and selfish to me now. As a stay at home parent, I am a teacher, mediator, laundry service, psychiatrist, nurse, event planner, personal assistant, chef, accountant, maintenance woman, janitorial service, chauffeur, and that is not even scratching the surface of all I do for my family. I have learned all these jobs without any formal education or on the job training. Parents who work outside the home, do all of this AND earn money for their family, however, they also get to use the bathroom in peace. There are arguments to both sides, but the implication that a stay at home parent is less of a person or should feel shame because they are home with their children drives me insane. I think families make the choices that are right for them, there shouldn’t be any shame in taking care of your family, no matter how you want to do it, whether it be earning money outside the home or being a stay at home parent. We should all be supporting each other in raising happy, healthy, independent and well mannered members of our society.”
I wrote this response to the woman’s post in the hopes that she knew A.) she was not alone B.) I think a lot of stay at home parents feel this way and C.) that being a stay at home parent is hard work.
I totally felt for this woman. Brian knows how I feel about stay at home parents. I think it is a very honorable job, but an extremely thankless one. I also feel that there is a stereotype that comes with being a stay at home parent.
When I was a kid, there was always that notion that Stay at Home Moms did nothing but lie around, watch soap operas, and eat bon bons all day. Oh! How I wish that were true! More days than not, I wish I could just stay in my jammies, not because I cannot find two minutes to myself to shower and get dressed, but because I am actually making the conscience choice to stay in my pajamas.
I was surprised to see that I was not the only person who felt this way. That while we all know we are doing something honorable for our family and we are making serious sacrifices, we also feel like we are fighting an image.
For the past three years, I have stayed home full time with my kids. It was the right decision for OUR family at the time, and continues to be for the time being. Here is what I have found out in that time:
  • Those who have children are parents. Period. Whether you stay at home, work outside the home, work part time, have a nanny, or send your kid to day care. We are all doing our best for our kids.
  • Fact of the matter is, kids (little kids that is) cannot be left alone. So, whether mom or dad stays home to care for the kids or Grandma, Grandpa, neighbor, friend, nanny, day care provider is helping to take care of a child, the reality is, there are different jobs to raising kids. Someone has to be with the kids, and someone has to pay for it all. So, who cares who does what job, as long as the job is being done.
  • Being a stay at home parent is probably the hardest job I will ever have. It is a 24/7, 365 grueling marathon. No, I’m not sitting around eating bon bons all day. I’m not even sitting most days. And forget bon bons. There are some days feeding myself doesn’t fit into my day until nap time.
So why the judgement? Why the criticism? Why do stay at home parents feel guilty about not earning money (even though they help save their families thousands of dollars in child care costs)? For that matter, why do working parents feel guilty for having to work outside the home for their children? Aren’t we all “there” for our kids? Whether you are the emotional support, general caregiver, or financial supporter (or all three)?
I don’t know why there is judgement, but I’m going to do my part and just be grateful for the happy, healthy, well mannered and loved kids I know. Because I know first hand how much work goes into having just that.