parenting advice

About 4 years ago, Brian came home a little later than to be expected from work. The kids who hadn’t seen their Dad all day were thrilled as he walked in the door. They ran to him in their footie jammies with their damp hair from being just newly bathed and hugged and kissed him.

Meanwhile, I was cleaning the kitchen after having made the fifth meal of the day, a supper of chicken, rice, and a vegetable. I had a warm plate in the oven for my dear husband. Brian watched me sweeping rice up from the floor. For any of you who have had little kids and had to sweep up rice from the floor, it is the worst. THE WORST.

My husband said to my oldest who was just 4 at the time, “Is Mama ok?”

He asked because as I was sweeping that sticky uncooperative rice from my kitchen floor, I was tearing up. Of course, he was the only one who noticed my silent welling of tears, because when you have three kids who are 4, 3, and 2, they don’t notice such things when Dad walks in the door. He sent the kids upstairs and told them to read books until we came up, and sort of tip toed toward me and said, “Sooooo, how was your day?”

I replied curtly, “Well, this is the 9th time today I’ve swept the floor.”

He responded still unsure of my current mood, “Ummm, and this is bad right?”

“YES! This is bad! I cannot keep up with anything!”

He said, “Keep up with what’s important, Erin. How about, tomorrow, just sweep once at the end of the day. Or how about not at all. It really doesn’t matter, just feed the kids from the floor. That is where it all ends up.”

His comments at the time made me laugh, and made me feel a lot better. Thank goodness for Brian making me laugh. When he said, “Keep up with what’s important.” I didn’t really know what that meant at the time.

I was very much caught up with life with three kids so close together, who were all home with me. Let me tell you, it was utter chaos for so long.

Every day for many years was like sweeping the floor Nine Times times a day.

Sweep up a mess. Someone drops cheerios. Sweep up that mess. Someone drops blueberries. Sweep up that mess. Someone drops noodles.

You get the picture.

It was hard to keep up with these babies and toddlers.

As soon as I would think I was done with a stage, or with a pile of laundry, or cooking a homemade pureed baby food meal (how stupid I was), or a size of clothes from Rubbermaid tub, or bottles, I would be delivering another baby, or potty training someone else, or pulling another tub of hand me downs out from the basement, doing laundry or cooking or cleaning or SWEEPING THE FLOOR FOR THE 9th TIME THAT DAY!

At the time, I thought I was keeping up with what was important.

Last week it happened. My youngest started full day Kindergarten.

I’m home alone, you guys.

And I’ve kind of noticed a trend. I have a bit more time in the day to myself, but…

Today as I write this, I look around and I have a To Do List a mile long. There are dishes on my counter. I have laundry piled up (clean to be folded and unclean to be washed). I have soccer uniforms that need ordering. A doctor’s appointment to make. Not to mention, now the kids get older there is a whole host of issues and homework and stages and fun(?) that I need to keep up with. Also, we’ve added my full time career to the mix. Not to mention, I probably still should sweep the floor, but I haven’t touched it yet today.

There were days when I had three little ones crawling/scooting/toddling around and I would be sweeping that floor for the 9th Time That Day and I dreamed of the light at the end of the tunnel. The day all three of my kids were in school all day and I would have all this time to get things done and focus on our home. I would say things like, “I cannot wait until the kids are in school all day and I can clean all day and make our home lovely for them.” or “I cannot wait until the kids go to school so I can focus on making the perfect snacks and when they get home we can blissfully play board games and read stories around the fire place like a magazine.” or “I will never have to sweep the floor 9 Times A Day again.”

I’ve learned a little bit over these last few years. The dishes and the laundry and the Legos and sweeping the floor 9 times a day really doesn’t matter. I have the rest of my life to clean. I wish I could go back and say to myself 4 years ago crying silently as I swept that sticky rice from the floor, “Erin, put down the broom and smell your kids baby shampoo scented heads and snuggle their footie jammied pudgey bodies.”

I’ve lived a little and learned a lot.

This is what I know now:

The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t that the mess is gone. The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a pretty house. The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a perfectly laid out snack after school. The light at the end of the tunnel is being ok with the messy kitchen floor. It is not caring about the trivial. Brian was right those years ago, I needed to keep up with what’s important. (That’s right, Brian, you were right.)

I literally have seen the light. I know what’s important. Sweeping the floor 9 Times A Day is not Important.

So, tonight when the kids get home (from soccer and various other things) we will gather around the dining room table (after moving aside my laptop and take home folders) I will put together a dinner (from the slow cooker) and we will eat and talk and clean up together and maybe play a game of cards. Brian and I will do some laundry after the kids go to bed (the bare necessities), then we will quickly order soccer uniforms (before heading to bed ourselves) and perhaps I can sweep the floor one time (tomorrow)… if there’s time after I snuggle my kids.

Yesterday, I was lamenting about my internal struggle about how this time of year seems to be quite difficult for me as there is so much to do and not do all at the same time. In an effort to make the beginning of the year go smoothly, I organized some parts of the house over the summer so that we can spend the last bit of summer relaxing.

Here are ten things I did while the kids were home to get ready for back to school.

1.) Got Rid of Old Clothes: There is no sense cluttering up the kids drawers with clothes that are too small or clothes that have tears or stains from summer. I typically don’t do any “back to school” clothes shopping until the weather starts to change a bit (and I can hit up sales) as they have plenty of clothes to get them through those first few warms weeks of school. This way it is easier for them to find what they want to wear, and there is room for new clothes.

2.) Organized High Traffic Areas: The craft table, desks, and front hall closet got an overhaul. These are areas that typically see a lot of traffic during the school year. The kids tend to drop school bags, shin guards, ballet shoes, homework, and everything else in these places. I tried to make sure that everything has a place so that when we are in a hurry, we can find everything in a jiffy.

3.) Found a Place for All the Papers: So much for the digital age! Since my kids have started school, I cannot believe the amount of paper they come home with every day. Try as I might to get rid of a little bit every day, there are still some papers that I have to hold onto. I found a way to organize everything perfectly, while still allowing me to save time.

4.) Got the Kitchen Ready: I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like my kitchen get a break in the summer, and when school starts I am back to cooking, baking, fixing meals multiple times a day. Since I was cooking less this summer, the kids helped me do a little kitchen organization.

5.) Went Through the Toys: Once the school year starts, our family doesn’t have a lot of wiggle room in our schedule. So, I try and take an afternoon to talk toys with the kids and talk about what they don’t play with anymore and what can be donated. This helps make room for upcoming birthdays and holidays too.

6.) School Supplies for Home: When I do decide to go school supply shopping (I’m the worst), not only do I try and purchase school supplies for school, but I also try and purchase a few extra of everything for home. This helps especially for homework or craft projects at home, and everything is cheaper and can be bought in bulk this time of year.

7.) Got Everyone Back on Schedule: Over the summer we are all going to bed a little later and sleeping a little later. The last part of summer, I am slowly but surely trying to get my kids to bed a little earlier and to wake up a little earlier too. I don’t want to their teachers to experience how cranky they can be when they are sleep deprived that first day of school. We have been doing this in about 20 minute increments, little by little. Rome wasn’t built in a day after all.

8.) Got Myself on Schedule: This school year, I will have pockets of time where I will be alone, so I want to be able to fill those with productive things so that when the kids are home I am able to make time for them.

9.) Bought a Surprise: I bought each of the kids a special surprise for their first day of school. It is nothing expensive or lavish, but it is just a little token to let them know we are thinking of them that day. These are things I keep my eye out for over the summer and buy when I see them. This year, I got them each a book about the grade they are going into this year.

10.) Pack in the Fun: I scheduled a ton of playdates, events and fun for the last few weeks of summer as I could so we can spend time playing and enjoying the nice weather and each other.

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Nine Times A Day: A Priorities Story

School Year Organization: 10 Things I’m Doing Now to Keep Myself Sane Later